one day till closing. still busy running around......but read this article when i was at my lawyers and thought i'd post it here.... thought it was interesting http://www2.macleans.ca/2009/12/07/w...-need-to-know/
Kinda a bland article but still it did hold some valid points. I feel safe to say that its really about maturity more than age that affects how and if a relationship will survive a deployment, to say 100% fail is a fathom of the truth. I've seen couples married for 10+ yrs not survive a deployment, but ones who have only been together for 1-2 years survive. I blame a large portion of it onto social networking sites like myspace, facebook, ect. Reason being is that when I had down time I found myself, and my buddies, always on Myspace looking at their partner's page. Even though nothing changes they still look at the same page and pictures over and over again, 3-4 times a day. You begin to obsess over it and if you see something you feel threatening, ie her in a pic with another guy, you freak out on her and begin to think she's cheating on you and once you hit that point the relationship is pretty much a loss. I got to the point where I didn't use Myspace anymore and only got on chat 1-2 a week. Reason being is that you lose things to talk about and you begin to argue and thus would begin the cycle of the relationship failure. She would stay up every night, even though she had school the next day, and wait for me to get on. She would even tell my friends, who were on everyday, that she was on and wanted to talk to me. I told them I was busy and that I will talk to her tomorrow, probably not the wisest decision but we had nothing to talk about and I know we would just argue or cyber, and honestly it isn't the same. I would rather have a meaningfully conversation where I would be able to connect with her emotionally and express how I feel about her then one purely physical. Sure you can say, "I Love You" everyday but honestly after a while it loses it affect if you cant touch that person and physically express it. That is why you BOTH have to know that you love each other without a doubt. If there is any hesitation I would suggest that they not do the deployment together. I was head over heels for her and when I lost her to another man I was devistated. I would be out on mission and my mind would not be on my task at hand but at home on her. We still talked but only because......honestly I cannot tell you why, I will chop it up as the delayed break-up response. We would both express how we feel about each other and when I got home we still were together. That was until the day the other guy called and she told him, "I love you too". I sat there for a minute thinking about what to do. I get into my truck and leave, that was until she caught me starting my truck up and jumped inside. We argued and I ended up staying. It was later that night I told her to make a decision. She said him so I called her immediately and told her I want everything you have of mine back. I drove 50 miles, my house to her dorms as she started college while I was away, at 1130 PM to take it. We argued and said our goodbyes and my cousin and I left. I head back home to Iraq, as that was the only homely feeling I felt in a long time, a few days later and was still obsessing over it. I can vividly remember for the next week having reoccuring dreams of me beating or killing the other guy and leaving with her, as this was what I wanted at the time being was to still be with her. Fastforward, a few months. I returned home and that very same night she called me crying claiming how this guy was abusive and wanted to leave but was scared. I got into my vehicle immediately and again drove the 50+ miles to where she was staying. The entire time I called her parents, mind you this was like 130-200 AM, repeatedly. I won't go into details but she was removed from that house and was back home with her parents. From that time until 2.5 moths ago she continued to play me, mind you I got home in April of '08. I would repeatidly fall into her trap and would rise my self up only to be let down and crushed again. I did that a number of 4 times until I told her I've had enough and told her, " We are indeed not friends anymore and that after this phone call I would probably never hear from you again." I said my final goodbye, deleted her, number, and have not heard from her since. Not really sure why I took the time to type all that up, but that is my story as to how I have developed my inability to connect with another woman on a emotional level and why I refuse to again since I leave shortly again for my 2nd deployment.
if i recall correctly it was a few months ago that u said ur final goodbye. you can't expect to get over it that soon. based on my observation of the delayed break up, i think time to get over it will also take more than usual....only because there are alot of personal issues to sort out....and i mean with the relationship and ptsd and all the things that you dealt with there (losing friends, being away from family). you don't have a job where you have the luxury at ever being at ease to sit around and really work it out....other people go home after work, unwind, and sit and think. u are kind of oncall 24/7 and the that really doesn't give u the time to resolve things in a normal time frame. because of the circumstance of ur job and what u face, the betrayal is more devestating. because you live in life and death terms, it's more emotionally traumatic. i will say that u will be ok with things one day. i think the key to getting over things is when you stop remembering things about the relationship....when they fade into the back ground cause it doesn't hurt as much..and one day it won't hurt anymore and you live life in the present.... as for her, know that not all of us are like that....some will play games and throw 'abuse' around lightly, but that isn't NORMAL. she obviously has issues herself...and unfortuantely u did end up taking them on. know that at a certain age everyone has baggage...but it's not ur duty to carry her baggage(issues) around. the bitter cynnic will tell you to to hope for the best but always expect the worst. you let them earn your trust...that's the innocence of youth...we tend to give it away more freely when we're younger...and we learn that painful lesson....
