I've been thinking about this all day. I've been interested in this girl for a little while and Saturday night we wounded up having sex. I stayed the night, that was a whoops it on my part, and now I have really lost interest in really talking to her. She's a cool girl and all but I'm gettin the vibe that she's kinda needy. Example, while I was trying to sleep I was on one side of the bed arms folded underneath my head(trying to keep some distance between us). Anyway she proceeds to cuddle up into me, literally climbing all over me like I was a damn ladder. The very next day, Sunday, with in hours of me leaving she texted me asking when she gets to see me again. This isnt the first time this has happened either. I had sex with this other chick who've I've known for some time now and I really dont wanna talk to her either anymore. I think I have commitment issues streaming back to my ex-fiance who left me in Iraq, she really put me through a loop emotionally. I just recently told her to kick rocks and not talk to me again, been about 2.5 mths and I feel awesome about that. Would you guys/girls consider this commitmental issues or just me over thinking a small issue?
hard to say if this is a commitment issue or just realizing you're not that into them after getting your rocks off..... you like these girls and talk and hanging out but as soon as you bang em and they get a little attached you want nothing to due with them? List the old saying goes.. if you have to ask the question .. you already know the answer. now if these were women/girls you were just getting to know and banged after a VERY short time and you realized you're just not compatible.. thats totally different. How was the sex? Good, Great, Mediocre or FAIL? Sometimes you're just not sexually compatible and sometimes the sex can be a good indicator on just how much you're into that person. Example: I had been chatting/talking to this one 18 y/o girl for the past couple months or so and she finally decided come down for the weekend to hang out and go out to dinner etc. Long story short we banged for hours on end from friday evening through Sat but the more time we spent together it made me realize she turned out to be very immature even for an 18 y/o and a complete attention whore that absolutely annoyed the piss out of me and eventually just flat out told her I didn't see "US" becoming serious where as she got all pissed because "I used her for sex" and ended up leaving before she had planned to. Sex was Good but not GREAT and it couldn't make up for the way she acted.
Sex was good. She is flexible as hell and really got into it. I was talking to her again last night. We were talking about stress and how I dont really carry around a whole lot, I told her I dont let people bother or get to me and that I'm pretty thick skinned, blah blah blah. She started probing with small suttle questions like, "Being thick skinned is good, but I hope you're still able to connect with people?" I told her, "I try but I keep everyone at arms length, especially with my upcoming deployment. I have to much at stake and other people's lives that I have to worry about now, not just my own." I was dropping the hint that I don't want a relationship at all, which at this time I don't. She leaves in Feb for the Navy and is gonna be stationed in Hawaii. I don't think she wants to be in a relationship but wants to feel.......self worth(?).... by being with someone(physically) who gives her that validation. If that makes sense at all. From what I understand she's coming out a 2 yr relationship, which I can understand the way she acting if she in fact does have some self worth issues. I would like to hear a female's POV on somethin like this. Paging Lise.... Am I bringing this upon myself by being the nice guy to her and one that's willing to hang out?
The way home. Going to pick up my car from the shop. Will not forsake u. But gotta do some stuff first ok.
man oh man, a plethora of things in here to cover. nature channel life in the sandbox military women females and self esteem issues. i'm writing.
first off, i'm not a psychologist...this is just what i've observed and learned through personal experience and friends. take it with a grain of sand. nature channel. There's something about human nature that makes me laugh....i've never understood it, so now i just laugh. it used to make me pull out my hair when i was younger, but now i just laugh..cause it's entertaining. there's the aspect of when someone is attracted to us....for females, if we find them attractive and they pay us attention to us, we find it flattering. if we don't find them attractive then they're stalkerish. i laugh at this all the time...and i get to see it tonight when i play wing woman for a friend tonight. anyhow, there are certain things in nature and matters of the heart....after sex, women want to cuddle. some men do...some don't. i haven't decided what the ratio is because well, there are alot of men out there and i really don't plan on sleeping with them to find out. that being said, i wonder how long it was after sex she was trying to cuddle. and future solutions is knock the bottom of it. they will roll over and sleep. but i think your aversion to intimacy (to be covered in Life in the sandbox-next section) and the favouring of 'hit it and quit it' has to do with a little of what bagger says...how soon are u hitting it after meeting them? are u in it just to hit it or are u getting to know them for something more? how old are they also? the younger they are, the more annoying you will find them, especially after seeing and living through everything you have....plus though nature may be giving young girls better bodies, it seems to rob them of brains...to much mass media brain washing kids into mini paris hiltons and britney's. there's another aspect to male behaviour and that's the explorer/been there done that thing...males, more so in their youthful days (18-mid 20's) are at the top of their game in terms of sexual prowess because of testosterone levels, physique and health and the amount of dumb younger girls available to them. there's the thrill of the chase and the hunt....and once that's gone...well you guys get bored because you don't need to work on it or for it. though a pussy on a platter sounds a bit appetizing, it's just not as satisfying if you had to work for it...the journey was the reward...and succeeding in your game is what makes it so much better. i say explorer because that's what it's like, u're off to conquer new territory (new girl) and once u've been there and marked (with sex) it's time to move on to greener pastures since u know what is really all there and what it's about. there's no mystery...hence bringing forth the truth to grass is greener on the other side...meaning u want something new to conquer cause that old spot u just marked...is boring...there's no mystery to it. that's not to say u guys don't get lazy and just hit it up with a ff. that's about just getting ur rocks off... but it's to say on a regular, it's about the prowl. that's the norm and it's partially nature acting out in humans....but we can think and have feelings, so that's where the complications lie. i notice with guys, if they like a girl...and i mean want a relationship with a girl, it only works if they are the one pursuing....if the girl pursues the guy stops giving a shit and doesn't try...and laziness is hard to breed out of u males...once it sets, u'll have a damn hard time of getting it out. it's like a bad bad stain. not impossible. but VERY DIFFICULT. any how the whole reason for that is men need a purpose, a mission, they need to feel useful but will only make themselves out to be that way if they give a shit...and if they do, it's making whatever girl they are with happy. if they don't care, then the relationship will take on a tone of selfishness....i'm not saying you are selfish, but i'm saying these girls chasing you makes you bored and u just want to get urs and get the f000k out. u don't care because the pussy is on a platter.
i'd say more intimacy issues than commitment. i forgot to write that earlier. (sorry if this doesn't make sense. i'm trying to do a bunch of stuff but i told u i'd respond....so i am...and it's lengthy) life in the sandbox There are three friends (eric, cam and danny) that i've made here that were in the military and they've become really good friends. i've been thankful enough to be allowed ask random questions about what it's like there...some are easy questions, like how heavy are ur backpacks, where do u sleep, what are mre like...to funny ones like "sooo..where do u guys jerk off if there always people around...to the harder ones -what was it really like, why go back for a 2nd, 3rd etc deployment. i'm lucky enough to have them answer me truthfully, even when it's not easy....because they evoke alot of emotion. so i'll say that i'm glad that they trust me enough to tell me the truth and their personal experiences and i know i'm lucky, bc it's kind of a secret club where no one talks about things...and i know that as an outsider, civillian and non yank, i'd traditionally be shunned. but maybe it's cause i'm fabulous in ways i don't even know. (har har har). there are so many things that i don't know about military life...and i'll never pretend to...that's why i always asked questions...because it's a life i'll never have or know about...so i'm treading lighter with this topic cause i don't want anyone yelling me about inaccuracies that i stated in the beginning. this is me seeing things through the eyes of those who lived it. my observations..and i'm sure there are things i'm very wrong about.. this topic is harder bc it treads a little into PTSD. relationships are affected, and i'm not going to talk about PTSD other than what happens to you boys over there and what happens when u come back interms of relationships. soo, i watched jarhead and was like wtf. then i talked to one friend and was like, "so uh, what's the percentage of relationships that go boom, bust and echo? 50%?" and he dryly said "100%". i was like WTF!!!!!!!! and then he proceeded to tell me of his personal experience...and the fact that pretty much everyone who was deployed got a dear john letter...atleast once. i was hoping that atleast there was a 2% chance of happy military family. i dunno. i'm going to start off by saying i think it's complete BS, anyone who ever received a dear john letter doesn't deserve that. it also pisses me off that these are they types of women that ruin it for the rest of us and scar u gents for dear life think we're all bitches and sluts. i just don't understand it....trying to put myself in a military wife/gf shoes, i would think that i understood that my so's job had a chance of taking him overseas and i would be proud...and that would have prob be something i understood and accepted when i decided to get into that relationship. that instead of a lazy git, he's doing a dangerous job but brining home the bacon. i thought that they'd be worried about their SO's and praying that they were safe and coming home than have time to be shady. i don't know...cause that's what i think i'd be doing... but sadly i guess it's not the reality...i'm not surrounded by alot of military people (har har har) so i'm holding out for meeting a few that are happily married cause i'm all for love conquering all cause deep down this cynnic outershell i suppose i'll admit for once in my life there's a romantic who loves happy endings like in the movies (not the dirty birdy kind). anyhow, i think when u boys go through ur relationship problems over there, there's a delayed reaction and it brews. it brews bc u have a male only setting where u kind of have a group hatred for women bc of shit like this (totally justifiable) and u delayed because for the most part, u don't get to deal with it like normal people. u're busy doing shit trying to stay alive, that u don't get to deal with it properly...u may have time to think about it, but u don't get the proper uninterrupted time to really deal with it...plus i gather from the above, most of u shove it back to the dark corners of ur mind cause u can't afford the distraction based on the safety of urselves and those around u. when u get back there are so many things bombarding you (like sensitivity to cold--that's just physical) that u get overwhelmed trying to adjust to being home again. so like i said it's delayed...u get home and it's delayed break up. a break up put on hold in some respects cause u prob didn't get the answers u were looking for and to say what u wanted to. i don't know if u all go back to those bitches, but i'm guessing the likelihood is higher that u would in seeking comforts of life that u had before....and emotional comfort is one of those things...and they tend to come in the form of a S/O as they are the only people who can get close physically too without being punched. either way, eventually things blow up, and u tell them to kick rocks...but u guys are a little emotionally maimed for having taken such emotional abuse when u were overseas...that combined with losing people u served with and a general disconnect with civillianish life, u just have a hard time letting anyone get close because you're afraid of losing them once u let them into ur heart (lovers, friends, family). the only exception that i understand is someone else who's served cause there's some sort of unspoken comfort that that guy also knows what it was like and has an idea of what u went through even though u prob don't talk about things.though it brings comfort--they are still held at a distance...u just don't trust anyone really....this combined with all the mental issues of PTSD (hypervigillance, aggression etc) make it hard for anyone to get close because you guys kind of put these incredibly high towers up and keep urselves in there emotionally (think rapunzel but without the hair). the only thing is u aren't actually locked up in a tower in reality and have to deal with things and people eventually even though most choose to live in the Numb and not feel cause it hurts alot cause it pours out in an emotional tsunami. as for the physical thing/touch/cuddling...this is the best way i can undestand and explain it. i don't think it's that u guys get creeped out...but i think that it's more along the lines of u don't want intimacy because it denotes trust...trusting someone enough to hold them or be held..that's emotional and i think there are alot of issues for you to work on because like anyone else..we all need time to heal. men are not as easily open to being/giving affection as women...it's a secondary like function i think because it goes along with expressing feelings and making oneself vunerable but open enough to receiving as well. as far as sex goes, it's like drugs and alcohol...it serves as a temporary connection to others without making u feel vunerable. men are different from women...u can have sex without the emotion. that's just mechanics...but u all don't like cuddling as much because that's personal and intimate...and maybe for some of you, it's reserved for special people only... u didn't ask me how to overcome that so i'm not getting into that... but i think that's the explanation as to why you are feeling that way with girls.
i'll have to get back to u on the post about military women and women with self esteem issues...the other ones i've been going back and forth with doing stuff. gotta run. that should give u enough to ponder for the time being.
That was amazing. Honestly, that is exactly what I feel but am unable to express. I'm not looking for someone to fix but to simply point me in the right direction. This gives me something to think about and try to figure out w/ the help of my counselor. I look forward to your next post. Thank you so much for your thoughts
Jesse i haven't forgotten the last part...but my brain is fried and isn't coherent. to think about these things at the moment..i'm making lots of phone calls right now dealing with my lawyer...so i'm not in a S-M-R-T mode right now and will have to think about stuff before posting the last part... if u have any questions ask. also, in my multi tasking i didn't further explain the very first posts paragraph about women and attraction and how it's received in relation to u males. when u boys dig a girl, it's awesome if she digs u back. if she isn't attractive to u or becomes annoying all her actions all of the sudden are crazy or smothering. that's the equivilant to females feeling like they are being 'stalked' when an unattractive male contacts and interacts with them.
