Bowels got me out of a ticket!

So last weekend I took the bike out for a nice solo ride/me time. Went out to the mall, chilled for a sec then stopped off at Taco Bell for a quick bite. On the way home, decided to stop off at this park where you can watch planes land at National Airport. So I'm sitting there, relaxing, listening to my MP3 player, when all of a sudden I can feel my stomach bubbling. I'm thinking I just have a nice fart coming. As I'm about to let it out, I feel gurgle...GURGLE!! Oh oh...this is the real thing (DAMN CHICKEN CASADEA!!) Not wanting to go in the nasty park Port-O-Potty, I hop on the bike so I can make a bee line for home...about 5 miles away. I'm on the freeway, and admitedly, I wasn't riding TOO reckless, but I know I wasn't going the speed limit. I'm weaving in and out of cars and all the while I'm puckered up...stomach just boiling!! I was just about to get off the freeway when I look in my mirror. LIGHTS!!!! FAAAAAWK!!! (Thing is, I wasn't really pissed that I was getting pulled over...I was pissed because I was thinking I ain't gonna make it!) I pull off to the side of the road, shut the bike off, put down the sidestand, and remove my gloves. The cop walks up to me and immedietly and bluntly I explain my situation.

Me: "Officer, I know I was speeding and I'm sorry, but I really have to take a sh-t!!"

Officer: "You know you were going in out out of cars and going over 100mph don't you?"

ME: (clutching my stomach) "I'm not really sure how fast I was going but I'm sure I probably was."

Officer: "You know I can lock you up right now, don't you?"

ME: (having been pulled over before and really not trying to be a smart ass) "Yes, I do...and if you want, I will go over to those woods and come back!!"

He kinda grinned and said that he rides a Harley. After looking at my license and registration, he told me to slow it down and let me go. I started the bike up and was about to peel out (at this point there is a nice turtle tail forming) but thought it wise to take it slow since he was still behind me. Once we got to the freeeway exit, he gave me a wave and got off.

I managed to get home and as I'm rushing in, the phrase that came to mind was "the Death Star has cleared the planet...the Death Star has cleared the planet....BOOOOOOM!!!!" A photo finish!! As I'm wiping the sweat off my forehead, only then did it dawn on me the seriousness of the situation and how friggin' LUCKY I was to get a cool cop!!

1. ew

2. well...glad you didn't get a ticket.

sounds like you almost turlesplattered your pants.

LMAO...The way you described the ending part of you story was hilarious. That shit was funny...Literally.

Originally Posted by natedogg624

sounds like you almost turlesplattered your pants.

I have IBS and a medications for it...i still got my ticket (i also have a not so good driving record). Congrats!

The cop didnt arrest you knowing that you would probably taken a shit in his ride by default. Man his cruiser would have stunk for all eternity

...

I gotta try that one next time. Maybe it will actually work for me too .